Recently, I was in a conversation with someone who told me I was not "marriage material" because "I don't need a man." Needless to say this comment erupted into a whole argument, even though I am not even sure I want to get married, LOL! However, an unbridled curiosity has been peaked regarding whether or not men think women who are self sustaining don't need them.
Yes, but I need you!
Let me start by saying that when I was told that I was not “marriage material” it was like taking a punch to the gut. In that instant, I envisioned myself at 60 years old, with no husband or children, even though I can do without the kids, LOL; but instead with 30 cats (I abhor cats) in an empty house eating canned tuna. However, I quickly snapped out of it and thought, “Hold up Shawty, you don’t know me!” *in my best T.I voice*
When I asked the man why he deemed me unworthy to be married, he stated the following reasons: “You own your own home, you have a masters, you don’t need my money--you good…” His list continued with more stupid monetary and tangible items, and as he continued to ramble I began to realize that this guy is a dud anyway.
But yes, I do own my home and I and have a masters degree (my biggest regret in life.) Yes, I can pay my own car note (ugh, I have one of these again) and pay all my bills on time. But tell me why that means I don’t need a man. Yes, I can provide myself with food, clothing, and shelter – my basic needs in life — without the help of a man. But as adults, shouldn’t we all be able to take care of ourselves? Would you want to marry someone who could not take care of his or herself?
I finally interjected this man to say that you don’t want someone who needs you to take care of them; you want someone who is dependent upon you for all of the intangible things that being in a partnership provides. There is a difference. Women like to have men around for many reasons like the obvious things – shoveling snow, carrying the groceries in, fixing broken things in the house, etc. LOL. Though it’s nice to have men to do these are things, I can (and do) handle them on my own. Needing a man is more than the physical and monetary benefits; it is also about companionship, connecting, encouragement, intimacy, love, partnership and support. It’s having someone to make you feel appreciated, respected, secure, and special. It is—simply put—about needing real, unconditional love.
Therefore, I can do everything for myself, but I am not going to want to do it alone forever. My self-sufficiency is not meant to be intimidating or challenging to men. And the simple fact remains: I DO NEED A MAN!!
*sings* I can pay my own light bill baby, Pump my own gas in my own car, I can buy my own shoe collection, I've been blessed thus far, I can kill the spider above my bed, Although it's hard because I'm scared, I can even stain and polyurethane…And even though I can do all these things by my damn self, I need you, I do, I do, I do, I do… -Jill Scott
AB
