A faithful EOTM reader sent me a long list of blog topics she wanted to hear my thoughts on. One stood out in particular to me -- the end of a friendship. How do you deal with that?
I didn't have to think long and hard about this one at all. I've really only lost one true friend in my lifetime. For a long time, I kept questioning why we weren't friends any more. What happened to us? Did I do something to her? Why did we just stop talking? Why is it awkward whenever we encounter each other? Why can't things be like how they used to be?
For years I struggled trying to maintain a friendship that was dying! The relationship was stale. Neither of us were taking an active interest in trying to stay in each others lives. It was hard to face the reality that someone who I was so closed to was no longer apart of my life. I recall the two moments when I realized that to be true.
Sometimes it be like that!
The first time was when I was making an invite list for a gathering and I felt like I needed to invite them out of obligation. I did not genuinely want them there. The second time was when I was drafting my 30 before 30 list. One of the items on my list stated "Accept that some friendships are meant to fade with time."
The moment I put those words down on the paper, I knew it! It was over! I had to stop trying to force something that had expired. I felt so guilty about it. I had to realize that I wasn't a bad person admitting that this friendship was over. The other person wasn't a bad person either. Our friendship couldn't adapt to the changes in our lives. And that's ok. It's fucking ok.
There is no need to cling to relationships of any kind if they are not adding anything to your life anymore. If it's not working, it's not working. Let it go. Make your peace with it and let that person go gracefully! Don't cling to dead weight! Look back on the memories, smile, and move forward!
Have you ever had a friendship end? How did you handle it? Let me know friends!
AB
